Spiritual Consequences

I am convinced that every Monday morning while planning his week, God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit and St Pete all discuss what sermons are needed in which congregations for the next Sunday.  While They are having this discussing, God points out to Pete that I, Rebecca Newton Thorpe, need a certain message.  During this time my Pastor is busy in his study, reading the Word and meditating on his next sermon.  He then receives a knee mail strait from God who lays on his heart what we all need to hear that particular week.

Now that might be a bit simple minded for some of you, but please consider that I am the source.  You also need to know that I truly believe that each message we hear on Sunday is special and sent to each of us straight from above.

This past Sunday, I opened up my bulletin and my head probably spun around.  Bam, He got me again.  The title, “Why do bad things happen to good people?”  Of course, there had been a lot of bad in our world lately, but this spoke to me on a really personal level.  With my diagnosis of RAD, I’ve never said “why me?”.  I pretty much know that if not for grace, it could be a whole lot worse, especially if I got what I deserved.

I see my RAD as a consequence of making a very poor decision and not having the faith to trust that if God told me to do something, that He would also handle all the details.

The school year of 2009-2010 was a very bad one for our middle child.  I was basically an absent parent, having chosen my job over parenting and my health.  Of course, I felt that I had no other choice.  Or at least this is what I rationalized in my mind.  Wrong.  We have choices.

In August of 2009, my workload increased significantly right along with the start of the new school year. I was working so hard and such long hours that I didn’t get the depth of how my child was struggling.  Pretty bad for a parent to admit, huh? 

In November of that school year, Scott and I visited The Bedford School in Fairburn, GA open house for summer school camp.  It was a wonderful school specifically for LD kids.  I knew in my heart that she really needed to attend school there.  After a great deal of prayer and more work related hardships, in May of 2010 God said quit.  So I wrote my letter of resignation and rode it around on the dash of my car for two or three weeks.

I simply didn’t have the faith to do it and financial fear paralyzed me.  Seven months later, in January of 2011, I had what was my first flare of RAD.  Of course I had no clue what was going on.  It took about two months to get diagnosed and two years and 3 months later here I am, crackling and popping with every step.

I am not angry at God. I am very annoyed at myself for lots of reasons.  But through a lot of prayer and meditation I realize that forward is the only way to go.  I can’t undo a bad decision that I made nor can I change the results. I can take it for what it is, give it all over to God and go the way He directs.